Yomommayomommayomommayomomma BURNED!
Your mom's so fat that she thinks D&D stands for Drumsticks & Donuts.
Your mom's so ugly that people have started to polymorph into her for natural armor.
Your mom's so fat when she's standing in the middle of a grassy field, she has to use squeezing rules.
Your mom's so dumb that she thought expertise was a skill bonus.
Your mom's so fat that when you bull rush her, you get stuck.
Your mom's so dumb that she thought the Monster Manual was a guide to being a bad guy.
Your mom's so dumb that she gets her credit card out when she performs the charge action.
Your mom's so fat that the Tarrasque could make a tent out of her clothes.
Your mom's so fat when you try to cast Enlarge Person on her, it comes back with a result of "You can't enlarge that woman, she's already too damn big!"
Your mom's so fat that when you cast Reduce Person on her, she's still Colossal size.
Your mom's so fat that she automatically fails Hide and Move Silently Checks. (Unless you're playing BDK3-05 Hi Ho Silver)
Your mom's so fat that the only result of a Sense Motive check on her is "hungry".
Your mom's so fat and dumb that she tried to use Mordenkainen's Lucubration to get into her clothes.
Your mom's so fat that her primary attack is her bite.
Your mom's so fat that when she sunders an item, she eats it.
Your mom's so fat that she took Rapid Reload for her fork.
Your mom's so dumb that she didn't start with proficiency with simple weapons.
Your mom's so fat that she took Skill Focus: Eat.
Your mom's so dumb that she tried to flank the 36 foot tall Earth Elemental instead of waiting for the lance charging fighter to kill it. (j/k :-p)
Your mom's so fat that she tried to take levels of Shadowdancer but couldn't fit into the shadows.
Your mom's so fat that she gained a spell like ability that she can use at will to cast Stinking Cloud.
Your mom's so ugly that she has an extrodinary special quality of a 100 foot radius Cause Fear aura at DC 35.
Your mom's so ugly that someone must have hit her with a Bestow Curse wand.
Your mom's so fat that the Bigby's Hand spells are actual size for her.
Your mom's so fat that she went swimming and emptied the Nyr Dyv.
Your mom's so fat that when she casts Clone, it costs extra.
Your mom's so fat that she pays people to find every Bag of Devouring and destroy them.
Your mom's so fat that she needs to cast Feather Fall to sit down.
Your mom's so fat that she needs two Heroes' Feasts just for her.
Your mom's so fat that Ioun Stones go dull gray before they can make it all the way around her.
Your mom's so fat that she has Deeper Darkness instead of a shadow behind her.
Your mom's so fat that you can hide behind her to keep from being Scried upon.
Your mom's so fat that she doubles as a Dimensional Anchor.
Your mom's so fat that Displacement doesn't provide a miss chance because there's nowhere else for her to go.
Your mom's so fat that when you cast Invisibility on her, her ass is still sticking out.
Your mom's so fat that her diet plan requires a Geas/Quest to be cast on her.
Your mom's so fat that she casts Haste at dinner time.
Your mom's so fat that she has to cast Grease to get through doors.
Your mom's so fat she tried to get something out of a portable hole and her arm got stuck.
Your mom's so fat that her Wings of Flying broke.
Your mom's so fat that magic items can't resize for her.
Your mom's so fat that she doesn't fit in a Magic Jar.
Your mom's so fat that Magic Missiles cast at her go into orbit.
Your mom's so ugly that when Phantasmal Killer is cast, people see her.
Your mom's so fat that when Reverse Gravity is cast, the Oerth moves away from her.
Your mom's so fat that she has to have Atonement cast every time she eats a salad.
Your mom's so ugly that the Cloak of Charisma jumped off and ran away when she tried to put it on.
Your mom's so fat that she has two seperate hit point totals for her ass cheeks.
Your mom's so fat that she had to take Leadership to get her ass to follow her around.
Your mom's so old that Iuz is worried that she'll spit on him.
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cloakedchaos's journal
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